So I weighed myself the other day and I am down by 6 pounds! I am so proud of myself. I haven't had one Mountain Dew at all since this year. Considering today is the 12th day of the year, I am on a great track. I have been eating much smaller portions (with the exception of a binge last night, but that is a whole other topic). I have been drinking plenty of water. I feel much better about myself sticking to losing this weight. I can't say it hasn't been hard, because it has.
At work we have my beloved Mountain Dew stocked in the fridge. Those dang cans stare back at me every day when I grab my lunch or snack from there. I would be lying if I said I haven't been really tempted to partake of a can here or there. However, I have held firm and haven't had one. My coworker even mentioned how it wouldn't hurt me to have one from time to time. I know myself better than that though. I am the type of person who will internally decide it won't hurt to have one here or there and then before I know it, I will be back to my soda habit. I am not strong enough to allow myself to have one.
The hardest has been yesterday and today. My boss has a tendency to come unglued over anything. When I say anything, I mean quite literally anything. One minute you are talking to Bobo the Clown and joking and the next second he just starts snapping and screaming like a Shark. Ummmmmm..... for what reasoning? Nothing good enough.
Well, he was freaking out over stuff and I was so stressed out. It took everything I had not to have a soda. In the past I have relied heavily on food and soda for comfort. I wish I could say that I am able to get away from the stress. I can't though. If only it were that easy. Some days I would love to scream back, but I know that will lead me to the unemployment lines. I can't afford to be unemployed. What is the hardest part of it all is that you never know who you are going to be talking to with him. Will today bring a caring, compassionate boss or will it be the psychotic jerk? Hmmmm....
After such a long, hard day yesterday, I did what any normal person would do. I turned to food. We went grocery shopping and I picked up a loaf of french bread while there because it sure looked good. While cooking dinner for myself someone ate half of it!! Can you believe it? I looked around to see which of my kids had gotten into it, but I didn't see it torn apart like some crazy animal had sneaked it away from my sight like I would have expected had one of them gotten into it. It was cut ever so neatly by the sharp knife immediately surrounding the bread. Then I realized something. I didn't think it was my kids after all. It turned out that it was me! Oh the shame of it.
While eating it, I focused on how good the bread was and about how plain crappy work had been. I snatched some of the kids' yummy chicken nuggets that were just finished from the oven. Mmmmmm how tasty. They need to cool down so I will put them over here so the kids don't burn their mouths. I don't mind if I do. Next thing I know I smell the aroma of those fresh curly fries. Oooooo I smell those . I think they are almost done. Oooooo I don't mind if I do have some of these tasty curls as well. Mmmm.
One nugget turned into 5, which then turned into some more... You know where I am going with this. I had purposely made that food for the kids while making me a big pot of some goolash which has chicken, tomato juice, macaroni noodles (don't knock me- I like noodles and yes I know they are full of carbs), onions, a few seasonings and some garlic. Much healthier than nuggets and fries.
Instead of exercising or cleaning or doing anything at all productive, I sat my fat butt in my easy chair and watched the T.V. which had nothing good on, but I still wanted to watch it. Somehow we ended up on Wheel of Fortune. Yes, I knew plenty of the answers before the contestants guessed them. I had my warm, cozy blanket on me and next thing I knew I had some added weight on my chair.
As I opened my eyes at around 2 in the morning, I discovered that added weight was my sleeping son who just wanted to cuddle with Mommy. We both had been out cold for a long time. I resorted to my bed.
When I woke up this morning, I felt total guilt for what I had done. There is no way I am going to get to my goal by eating like that! I need to be off my butt and doing stuff instead of just sitting there and doing nothing. Even though experts say to weigh yourself once a week, I decided to weigh myself again this morning (as I had done the day before). Two whopping more pounds than the prior morning! Wow, you stupid scale. You must be wrong. There is no way.
And then I thought about it. No, the scale is right. I need to just continue and be better. On the positive side, I have lost about 6 pounds. I just need to be stronger and not resort to my friends- food. Dang you food. Dang you for tasting so good and parading yourself in front of my eyes like I am some crazed animal. Dang you!