Her response was so clear and made me think for a while. I love God! I do. I wholeheartedly love him. But part of me kind of hurt when she said that. I don't know how to explain it. Guilt? Yeah, possibly. Maybe I haven't put focus in the right areas. I think I need to work on that more than anything. I need to have a real relationship with Him.
I have never been one to preach or put my nose in everyone's business when it comes to religion. That is one topic I like to leave alone. I choose to agree to disagree. Can't we just be in harmony and not bickering about religion? There are so many religions out there. I won't turn this blog into some preaching sermon and insist that you all agree and convert to my church if you aren't already.
Today I have been thinking a lot though. I am left thinking how God has a plan. I struggle sometimes trusting his timeframe. In my mind I just keep thinking the following:
Remember that He has a plan. Everything happens in HIS timeframe.
So many times in my life I have prayed and prayed thinking that He just didn't answer and that for some strange reason God didn't grant my prayers. However, looking around I see how He has had a plan the whole time.
From the time I was little I always wanted to own a house. I remember that was the great, American dream. I worked hard and "somehow" got working in pretty decent jobs. I had steady employment and was making okay money. I thought it was time to buy a house. I wanted a house so bad. It was when prices were sky high and credit was easy. I will never forget putting an offer in for a house. Let's be honest- there was no way I could even afford one, but I put in an offer anyway. I was determined to be a homeowner. My payments would have been over 50 percent of my income and it was a fixer upper house AND THE MORTGAGE COMPANY WAS GOING TO APPROVE IT!!! Seriously, they were insane. I was even more insane for being so convinced that I could do it. Well, I put my offer in for their asking price and the bank came back and said that wasn't enough! It was a short sale. I wasn't prepared to increase my monthly payments any more. I prayed and I prayed so hard at that point. I was so mad later when it didn't work out.
Now at this point looking back to then, I know my prayers were answered IN HIS TIME not mine. There was no way I could have afforded the payments. Not even close. I was so set on having it though. As a look around me, I have an ever increasing respect for God's timeframe. It is hard to notice when you are praying so hard and think that He has let you down.
I am hoping that maybe this whole "OH MY GOSH I WANT TO GET MARRIED ALREADY AND STOP BEING SINGLE" crap will be the same way. From my earliest memories, I remember thinking I would find a husband at 18 and live happily ever after as they did in stories. I was so convinced that that was how it was going to work. I dreamed of my wedding and all the details and colors that would be involved. I was determined and focused. hahaha I wanted to have 7 kids and live in a big house, being a single mom and watching my kids while my husband was working. I would be the best mommy in the world. I would bake the best homemade cookies. I would be the prettiest and funnest. I was going to be the best wife in the world. My husband and I would grow old together and be happy. I wanted it all.
Now that I look around to the present day, wow! Time passes and wounds heal.
I know that I need to not worry about a relationship with a guy right now. I think I need to focus more on the Lord, my kids and myself. As hard as it is to say, when the time comes then it will come. Patience.