Friday, December 30, 2011

2012 is Coming

2012 is coming!  Changes come with a new year.  As I look around me, I just can't be satisfied with my weight.  I have put on so much weight to the point of embarrasement.   I am disgusted with myself.  I now weigh more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant!!! 

A few years ago I got real serious about my health and worked out hard, as well as eating healthier and kept it off.  I got pregnant with Jack and lost the weight right away.  I was at my old size in no time.  I felt happy and content.  Above all things, I felt healthy. 

Then, enter my sister.  My big sister was in a horrible living situation with roommates. They were taking advantage of her to the point she was paying the majority of things.  Out of frustration, she moved into my house and rented a room.  For any of you who know my big sister, she has always been a bigger person weight wise.  Soon her eating habits and unhealthy ways started really rubbing off on me. 

McDonalds, fast food and junk food were very abundant in our house suddenly.  Candy and soda.  Fattening processed junk.  Impulse buffet trips just for the heck of it.  Eating out.  Suddenly I didn't exercise at all. 

She has been moved out of our house for a long time now, but those poor habits have really stuck with me, unfortunately.  I hate to admit that I drink my beloved Mountain Dew EVERY SINGLE DAY now.  Some days it isn't just one can either...    I don't really eat fruits and veggie too often.  Healthy string cheese, yogurt, and various heatlhy snacks are nonexistent in this house.  My clothing is at the largest size I have ever been at.  It is disgusting for me!  Yet, I have just continued on and on.

As I look around me this morning, I am filled with shame and saddness.  I worked soooooo hard all those years ago to get myself at a weight that I was content with.  I was healthy and confident.  I was happy. 

This week I have decided that I am going to get serious about my health again and stick with it.  I want to start walking again.  I want to start eating healthier foods.  I want to be a good example for my kids.  Above all things I want to have self confidence in myself and my weight. 

I want to be in my skinny clothes again.  I am not going to disclose my current clothing size out of pure shame, but I want to get to my old size 5-7 again!!!!

I want to do this all for me.  I need this.  This past year I have really focussed on entering online giveaways.  It has been to the point where I don't want to do anything else.  I was so focused on entering so I could provide a big Christmas for my kids.  I am going to continue to enter, but I think it needs to be in moderation.  It has been to the point of complete and total focus in the past.  No more of that. 

It is time to get myself to a point where I am satisfied and happy with myself.  2012 here I come!!  Beware 2012 because I am going to change a lot this year.  I am going to work so hard and not just let this be some random new years resolution that I drop within a week or two.  2012 you are my year.  The year I will work on myself very hard.  I can do this!!

What do you intend to do in 2012?  Let's hear your resolutions intended changes!!

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