Monday, September 5, 2011

Good Ol' Labor Day

Oh how nice it was to have an extra day off work this week.  I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed having that little break.  This weekend I had my whole family over for dinner.  My step mom's best friend was in town from Texas.  "Aunty Connie" only tend to come here once every year or every other year.  I decided it would be perfect to get the family together since they were in town. 

In preparations to have everyone over for dinner, I scrubbed the house down until it shined.  We had Hawaain Haystacks.  Fresh cooked rice, the chicken mixture and all the toppings were prepared ahead of time as to not add pressure and stress to me  later on.  I will admit that dinner was a huge success.  I felt so accomplished and happy having our whole family in my dining room.  The joy and love that I saw before my eyes just made me so happy.  I loved seeing my kids playing with their cousins in the other room and just being kids.  I loved witnessing everyone eating plenty of food. 

I wish our family would get together more often, but it seems that everyone is always so busy pertaining to their own lives. 

Our family keeps growing and growing.  My little sister got married a couple months ago and just found out she is expecting.  I get to be an aunty again!  Whether the baby is a boy or a girl is not an important matter.  The parents just want a healthy baby.  I personally want another nephew!  :)  I just think a boy would be so fitting on my sister at this stage in her life.  Of course, if Aunty Sassy has a niece she would be pleased as well. 

During dinner my step mom and Aunty Connie were discussing going thrift store hunting this morning.  Apparently there are 99 cent days at Goodwill on Mondays and my stepmom always has great luck when she goes.  I was more interested in hitting up Savers' 50 percent off sale I knew they would have.  I haven't really gotten all of Bug's school clothing.  I focused on purchasing her pants to get her through the year before school starting.  In our conversation, I agreed to give Goodwill another try with them, though I never had an inclination that I would find anything worthwhile.  We put together a plan based on Savers opening at 7 in the morning. 

My nephew asked if my kids could spend the night last night after dinner, and I had the entire house to myself.  I must admit that it was kind of odd.  I am not used to having the house to myself.  As a single mom, I just hardly ever am at home alone.  I must admit that it kind of saddened me last night.  I was having a tiny bit of a pity party being single.  The feeling comes and goes at times in my life.  Instead of excelling, I just feel like I am spinning my wheels lately.  Instead of going further, I am just here.  Is that a normal feeling?  Strange? 

Being a single mom, I feel the stereotypical judgments of others. 

No, I am not some whore who sleeps around and doesn't care about her kids. 

I love my kids with all my heart

They are the reason I do what I do.  Everything I do is for them. 

I know that I have to look up and look toward the future.  Just today my aunty was asking when I am going to get married.  She told me it is my turn next in the family.  It took everything I had not to laugh at her.  Does she think I purposely am not dating or married?  In a sense, it feels like people think I just live off in my own little world and have a lack of desire to find anyone. 

I am not desperate by any means, but people it isn't as easy as it sounds or looks!  hahahahaha

I feel like it is the church scene that I don't fit in with the most.  It hurts that guys at church or of the religion don't give you a real chance because you have kids. 

My step mom had been single for 10 years before she remarried.  She had one daughter who was one year old when she and her ex husband divorced.  She faithfully kept in the church and went, as well as single adult activities.  She has told me many stories of activities and dating and how it just never happened until my dad came around. 

Is it sad that that makes me so sad to even think of 10 years of being single??  I have been single for a long time now, hahaha! 

I just have mixed reactions to hearing that it can happen "one of these days".  Like I mentioned previously, I am not desperate by any means.  It just isn't as easy as some people make this dating thing out to be. 

What really makes me the saddest about it is my kids' ultimate love and yearning for their dad.  He doesn't even call them.  When they get in trouble, who is it that they cry for?  Him.

He hasn't paid ONE DAMN PENNY, or even a birthday present, card or Christmas present in years!  Is it so bad that I wish they had a more permanent figure in their life?  By no means will anyone EVER replace their dad, nor would I ever want anyone to.  I just wish things would be easier in this whole thing sometimes. 

Sorry for the rambling guys.  Just wishing things were better in my life.  I know that I am blessed beyond words.  I don't know where I would be without the Lord.  He is in control and it is all in His hands.  I know everything happens by His time.  So Sassy has to be patient and deal with it.  Fine.  :)

On a positive note, I did find some great finds at Savers and even a few things for Bug at Goodwill.  Aunty Connie got Jack some great shirts while we were out and about.  She also got Bug some formal wear from Goodwill for dress ups.  Bug was sooooooo excited.  I washed them all up really good and she was having a ball after they were all dry.  It was so cute. 

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