Progress

So I weighed myself the other day and I am down by 6 pounds!  I am so proud of myself.  I haven't had one Mountain Dew at all since this year.  Considering today is the 12th day of the year, I am on a great track.  I have been eating much smaller portions (with the exception of a binge last night, but that is a whole other topic).  I have been drinking plenty of water.  I feel much better about myself sticking to losing this weight.  I can't say it hasn't been hard, because it has. 

At work we have my beloved Mountain Dew stocked in the fridge.  Those dang cans stare back at me every day when I grab my lunch or snack from there.  I would be lying if I said I haven't been really tempted to partake of a can here or there.  However, I have held firm and haven't had one.  My coworker even mentioned how it wouldn't hurt me to have one from time to time.  I know myself better than that though.  I am the type of person who will internally decide it won't hurt to have one here or there and then before I know it, I will be back to my soda habit.  I am not strong enough to allow myself  to have one. 

The hardest has been yesterday and today.  My boss has a tendency to come unglued over anything.  When I say anything, I mean quite literally anything.  One minute you are talking to Bobo the Clown and joking and the next second he just starts snapping and screaming like a Shark.  Ummmmmm..... for what reasoning?  Nothing good enough. 

Well, he was freaking out over stuff and I was so stressed out.  It took everything I had not to have a soda.  In the past I have relied heavily on food and soda for comfort.   I wish I could say that I am able to get away from the stress. I can't though. If only it were that easy. Some days I would love to scream back, but I know that will lead me to the unemployment lines. I can't afford to be unemployed. What is the hardest part of it all is that you never know who you are going to be talking to with him. Will today bring a caring, compassionate boss or will it be the psychotic jerk? Hmmmm.... 

After such a long, hard day yesterday, I did what any normal person would do.  I turned to food.  We went grocery shopping and I picked up a loaf of french bread while there because it sure looked good.  While cooking dinner for myself someone ate half of it!!  Can you believe it?  I looked around to see which of my kids had gotten into it, but I didn't see it torn apart like some crazy animal had sneaked it away from my sight like I would have expected had one of them gotten into it.  It was cut ever so neatly by the sharp knife immediately surrounding the bread.  Then I realized something.  I didn't think it was my kids after all.  It turned out that it was me!  Oh the shame of it.

While eating it, I focused on how good the bread was and about how plain crappy work had been.  I snatched some of the kids' yummy chicken nuggets that were just finished from the oven.  Mmmmmm how tasty.  They need to cool down so I will put them over here so the kids don't burn their mouths.  I don't mind if I do.  Next thing I know I smell the aroma of those fresh curly fries.  Oooooo I smell those .  I think they are almost done.  Oooooo I don't mind if I do have some of these tasty curls as well.  Mmmm. 

One nugget turned into 5, which then turned into some more...  You know where I am going with this.  I had purposely made that food for the kids while making me a big pot of some goolash which has chicken, tomato juice, macaroni noodles (don't knock me- I like noodles and yes I know they are full of carbs), onions, a few seasonings and some garlic.  Much healthier than nuggets and fries. 

Instead of exercising or cleaning or doing anything at all productive, I sat my fat butt in my easy chair and watched the T.V. which had nothing good on, but I still wanted to watch it.  Somehow we ended up on Wheel of Fortune.  Yes, I knew plenty of the answers before the contestants guessed them.  I had my warm, cozy blanket on me and next thing I knew I had some added weight on my chair. 

As I opened my eyes at around 2 in the morning, I discovered that added weight was my sleeping son who just wanted to cuddle with Mommy.  We both had been out cold for a long time.  I resorted to my bed. 

When I woke up this morning, I felt total guilt for what I had done.  There is no way I am going to get to my goal by eating like that!  I need to be off my butt and doing stuff instead of just sitting there and doing nothing.  Even though experts say to weigh yourself once a week, I decided to weigh myself again this morning (as I had done the day before).  Two whopping more pounds than the prior morning!  Wow, you stupid scale.  You must be wrong.  There is no way.

And then I thought about it.  No, the scale is right.  I need to just continue and be better.  On the positive side, I have lost about 6 pounds.  I just need to be stronger and not resort to my friends- food.  Dang you food.  Dang you for tasting so good and parading yourself in front of my eyes like I am some crazed animal.  Dang you!