Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Recently a dear friend of mine had a major health scare.  He is older and obese.  He is a sweet guy and I couldn't help but be scared when I heard that he was in the hospital.  The first news we heard was that he had bronchitis.  I have had bronchitis before and I knew how that felt.  However, I never had to stay in the hospital.  A couple days later it was bronchial pnemonia.  Upon further investigation by the doctors on staff, it was discovered that he had had an extremely serious heart attack.  He had actually been at work and had this heart attack on the jobsite.  The saddest thing is that he didn't even know he had it.  With being so unhealthy and smoking like a chimney, he just went on his way.  Imagine if you will going three whole weeks without knowing anything was wrong. 

When in the hospital and finding this information out, it was soon planned that he would have  surgery to assist this.  However, upon the operating table, it was discovered that it was more serious than they could have ever imagined.  They couldn't continue with the surgery.  When he woke up, doctors informed him that they couldn't do anything for his heart.  He would have to have a heart transplate.  I couldn't imagine being told that from a doctor.  It broke my heart when he and his wife told me.  It took everything I had not to immediately cry on the phone.  Now he has to wait to be put on the list after approval from the doctors after numerous tests are conducted.  They had to transport him to another state for these tests.  It is just a matter of time.  When talking to him, I have to admit that it didn't sound as if he had much hope.

This entire situation brought me to think of my life.  I am not ready to go.  I have so much to do before I die.  Life is a gift.  For the past couple years though, I have been stuck in a little hurdle and just been going through the motions of life.  Not out of depression, but out of just not having  much hope.  Shaking myself out of the mundane habits I have been living for this long is my current road block.

My birthday is fast approaching.  As I look around me in my current life, I want a lot of change in my upcoming years.  I really want to get healthy, travel more, enjoy life and not let my finances dictate my opportunities.  I want to become happier, satisfied, and more caring.  I want to be a better person.  I want to be more accepting of people and things in my life.  That might sound kind of broad to some of you, but I know what I mean by that. 

Hold the ones tight that are dear to you.  Don't forget to let them know how much you love them.  You never know what can happen.  Each day is an extra blessing. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

Financial Sins

Confession time.  What are your biggest financial sins?  Be honest now.  Me?  Well, I will be honest and tell everyone that even though I am really thrifty and frugal, I DON'T HAVE A BUDGET!  I know that all the books and sites say that should be your first step when it comes to personal finance.  I just haven't done it.  Never.  I went to and then I just stop and put it off.  So for me that is huge.  I am sure I could save even more money than I am now.

Another really bad thing that I have a tendency to do is not paying my utilities on time.  It isn't that I don't have the money for them either.  I just literally put them to the side and forget about them.  In turn I add late fees on mine.  Pathetic huh?

Head over to this site and enter for a chance at some cash to confess your financial sins.  I am trying to win the $500 Financial Blogger competition–   Crossing my fingers that I win!  Check it out now.  :)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The 10 Pound Challenge

As a way to keep myself accountable, I decided to join in the 10 Pound Challenge over at Newlyweds On a Budget!  check it out.

 I joined the 10-pound Challenge hosted by Newlyweds on a Budget. Lose 10 pounds in 12 weeks, win $$$. Are you in?


So I weighed myself the other day and I am down by 6 pounds!  I am so proud of myself.  I haven't had one Mountain Dew at all since this year.  Considering today is the 12th day of the year, I am on a great track.  I have been eating much smaller portions (with the exception of a binge last night, but that is a whole other topic).  I have been drinking plenty of water.  I feel much better about myself sticking to losing this weight.  I can't say it hasn't been hard, because it has. 

At work we have my beloved Mountain Dew stocked in the fridge.  Those dang cans stare back at me every day when I grab my lunch or snack from there.  I would be lying if I said I haven't been really tempted to partake of a can here or there.  However, I have held firm and haven't had one.  My coworker even mentioned how it wouldn't hurt me to have one from time to time.  I know myself better than that though.  I am the type of person who will internally decide it won't hurt to have one here or there and then before I know it, I will be back to my soda habit.  I am not strong enough to allow myself  to have one. 

The hardest has been yesterday and today.  My boss has a tendency to come unglued over anything.  When I say anything, I mean quite literally anything.  One minute you are talking to Bobo the Clown and joking and the next second he just starts snapping and screaming like a Shark.  Ummmmmm..... for what reasoning?  Nothing good enough. 

Well, he was freaking out over stuff and I was so stressed out.  It took everything I had not to have a soda.  In the past I have relied heavily on food and soda for comfort.   I wish I could say that I am able to get away from the stress. I can't though. If only it were that easy. Some days I would love to scream back, but I know that will lead me to the unemployment lines. I can't afford to be unemployed. What is the hardest part of it all is that you never know who you are going to be talking to with him. Will today bring a caring, compassionate boss or will it be the psychotic jerk? Hmmmm.... 

After such a long, hard day yesterday, I did what any normal person would do.  I turned to food.  We went grocery shopping and I picked up a loaf of french bread while there because it sure looked good.  While cooking dinner for myself someone ate half of it!!  Can you believe it?  I looked around to see which of my kids had gotten into it, but I didn't see it torn apart like some crazy animal had sneaked it away from my sight like I would have expected had one of them gotten into it.  It was cut ever so neatly by the sharp knife immediately surrounding the bread.  Then I realized something.  I didn't think it was my kids after all.  It turned out that it was me!  Oh the shame of it.

While eating it, I focused on how good the bread was and about how plain crappy work had been.  I snatched some of the kids' yummy chicken nuggets that were just finished from the oven.  Mmmmmm how tasty.  They need to cool down so I will put them over here so the kids don't burn their mouths.  I don't mind if I do.  Next thing I know I smell the aroma of those fresh curly fries.  Oooooo I smell those .  I think they are almost done.  Oooooo I don't mind if I do have some of these tasty curls as well.  Mmmm. 

One nugget turned into 5, which then turned into some more...  You know where I am going with this.  I had purposely made that food for the kids while making me a big pot of some goolash which has chicken, tomato juice, macaroni noodles (don't knock me- I like noodles and yes I know they are full of carbs), onions, a few seasonings and some garlic.  Much healthier than nuggets and fries. 

Instead of exercising or cleaning or doing anything at all productive, I sat my fat butt in my easy chair and watched the T.V. which had nothing good on, but I still wanted to watch it.  Somehow we ended up on Wheel of Fortune.  Yes, I knew plenty of the answers before the contestants guessed them.  I had my warm, cozy blanket on me and next thing I knew I had some added weight on my chair. 

As I opened my eyes at around 2 in the morning, I discovered that added weight was my sleeping son who just wanted to cuddle with Mommy.  We both had been out cold for a long time.  I resorted to my bed. 

When I woke up this morning, I felt total guilt for what I had done.  There is no way I am going to get to my goal by eating like that!  I need to be off my butt and doing stuff instead of just sitting there and doing nothing.  Even though experts say to weigh yourself once a week, I decided to weigh myself again this morning (as I had done the day before).  Two whopping more pounds than the prior morning!  Wow, you stupid scale.  You must be wrong.  There is no way.

And then I thought about it.  No, the scale is right.  I need to just continue and be better.  On the positive side, I have lost about 6 pounds.  I just need to be stronger and not resort to my friends- food.  Dang you food.  Dang you for tasting so good and parading yourself in front of my eyes like I am some crazed animal.  Dang you!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A Relationship

Last night I was lying in bed and texting a friend.  I don't remember what brought up the conversation or anything, but in our conversation my love life was brought up.  I mentioned how I was tired of being a single mom and how frustrating it can get sometimes.  I love my kids to death and would never change anything I have done.  I love them so much more than I can ever explain.  For those who really know me, you know that I believe in God and go to church.  I stated to my friend that maybe God just didn't think I was prepared and ready for a guy yet.  Her response was along the lines that if I don't really have God as a priority and focus on Him, then it is pointless.  She said to focus more on my realtionship with the Creator.  "When you forget about your pursuit of a husband, then He will send you someone."

Her response was so clear and made me think for a while.  I love God!  I do.  I wholeheartedly love him.  But part of me kind of hurt when she said that.  I don't know how to explain it.  Guilt?  Yeah, possibly.  Maybe I haven't put focus in the right areas.  I think I need to work on that more than anything.  I need to have a real relationship with Him. 

I have never been one to preach or put my nose in everyone's business when it comes to religion.  That is one topic I like to leave alone.  I choose to agree to disagree.  Can't we just be in harmony and not bickering about religion?  There are so many religions out there.  I won't turn this blog into some preaching sermon and insist that you all agree and convert to my church if you aren't already. 

Today I have been thinking a lot though.  I am left thinking how God has a plan.  I struggle sometimes trusting his timeframe.  In my mind I just keep thinking the following:
Remember that He has a plan.  Everything happens in HIS timeframe.

So many times in my life I have prayed and prayed thinking that He just didn't answer and that for some strange reason God didn't grant my prayers.  However, looking around I see how He has had a plan the whole time. 

From the time I was little I always wanted to own a house.  I remember that was the great, American dream.  I worked hard and "somehow" got working in pretty decent jobs.  I had steady employment and was making okay money.  I thought it was time to buy a house.  I wanted a house so bad.  It was when prices were sky high and credit was easy.  I will never forget putting an offer in for a house.  Let's be honest- there was no way I could even afford one, but I put in an offer anyway.  I was determined to be a homeowner.  My payments would have been over 50 percent of my income and it was a fixer upper house AND THE MORTGAGE COMPANY WAS GOING TO APPROVE IT!!!  Seriously, they were insane.  I was even more insane for being so convinced that I could do it.  Well, I put my offer in for their asking price and the bank came back and said that wasn't enough!  It was a short sale.  I wasn't prepared to increase my monthly payments any more.  I prayed and I prayed so hard at that point.  I was so mad later when it didn't work out. 

Now at this point looking back to then, I know my prayers were answered IN HIS TIME not mine.  There was no way I could have afforded the payments.  Not even close.  I was so set on having it though.  As a look around me, I have an ever increasing respect for God's timeframe.  It is hard to notice when you are praying so hard and think that He has let you down. 

I am hoping that maybe this whole "OH MY GOSH I WANT TO GET MARRIED ALREADY AND STOP BEING SINGLE" crap will be the same way.  From my earliest memories, I remember thinking I would find a husband at 18 and live happily ever after as they did in stories.  I was so convinced that that was how it was going to work.  I dreamed of my wedding and all the details and colors that would be involved.  I was determined and focused.  hahaha  I wanted to have 7 kids and live in a big house, being a single mom and watching my kids while my husband was working.  I would be the best mommy in the world.  I would bake the best homemade cookies.  I would be the prettiest and funnest.  I was going to be the best wife in the world.  My husband and I would grow old together and be happy.  I wanted it all. 

Now that I look around to the present day, wow!  Time passes and wounds heal. 

I know that I need to not worry about a relationship with a guy right now.  I think I need to focus more on the Lord, my kids and myself.  As hard as it is to say, when the time comes then it will come.  Patience. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

A New Year, A New Start

Today I feel strong.  I haven't had any Mountain Dew yesterday or today.  The only drink I have consumed has been water.  I feel so proud and accomplished of myself, considering how much Mountain Dew I would consume on such a consistent basis. 

Last night I was on the exercise bike for, oh....about 10 minutes or so. Yeah I am a total slacker on that.  I just couldn't stay and focus on that.  However, this morning we walked up to the park around 10:00 which is uphill.  While there I actually ran around and played with the kids.  I normally sit on the bench and watch them play.  Our friends came and met up with us to join in the fun.  In addition to playing with them, I walked all around the park with my friend for a long time while there ( I would say over a good hour though I didn't time it or anything).  It helped having a friend there to talk to.  It felt awesome.  When we were finished, we walked home, though the kiddos were pretty tired after being on the go that whole time at the park.  We just got home about half an hour ago (1:50).  So I was up off my butt the whole time.    I will be honest and say that my feet hurt now, but I am so proud and happy with myself for sticking with this and working hard. 

When we got home, we drank plenty of water and had some Progresso canned soup.  My choice was the Beef Barley.  Pretty yummy stuff and has plenty of veggies.  I liked it and so did the kids.  It was very filling and sustainable.  I had a whole can to myself.  As I sit here typing, I think I am going to have to work on my portions in time, but right now it is baby steps.  Just having to work on it. 

Yes, it is only the 2nd day of the year but I am still on track.  In talking to my friend at the park while we were walking, we talked about resolutions and goals.  She mentioned how her and her family plan on putting together vision boards together as a family for what they plan to do this year.  I think that is such a great idea.  While walking we talked in detail about some of our goals for this year and what we plan to do and I thought of some other things that I would like to do this year. 

In addition to losing a significant amount of weight, I have some other things that I want to work on.  I want to work on having better self confidence and happiness.  I really would love to start dating again and hopefully find a good guy.  I know so many people who don't have any problems with dating and meeting people.  I, however, have a hard time for some reason.  Let's be honest- when you basically just go to work, get the kids, go home and do the motherly things without any additional time for going out, it is hard to meet people.  I don't really go out.  On the weekends I go to church and let's face it, there is noone there.  I just can't seem to find date worthy men.  Of course, I need to work on myself and be happy with myself first. 

I want to read more.  I want to stay off Facebook more.  I want to be more organized.  I want to be more serious about my blogging.  I want to be happier in general.  I want to go out more often and not just stay home all the time.  I need to make more friends in my life.  I need to work on being a more patient mommy.  Man, sometimes that can be tough.  There are so many things I would love to do new this year.

I think I am going to work on a vision board sometime soon and have it all put together.  With this new year I have high hopes for myself.  Here's to you 2012!  A new year and a new start.  Thank you, I really need you.