Friday, July 29, 2011

My Struggle With Working and Being Mommy

As a single mom, I don't have the opportunity to stay home with my kids.  I love my kids so much and would absolutely love having the chance to be home with them. 

This morning as we were getting in the car, my son saw my bag of oatmeal that I was bringing to work for my breakfasts that I just heat up in the microwave.  The bag has oatmeal, brown sugar and cinnamon.  It is a simple and extremely inexpensive breakfast.  My son saw the bag and immediately started talking about how much he wanted some oatmeal. 

I wish I could have gone back in the house, made oatmeal and honored his wish of having oatmeal.  Unfortunately, I couldn't do that.  I had to get to work and rush out the door and drop the kids off to get to work on time.  How my heart ached.  I told him I would make him some on Saturday.  He was so happy and delighted in the thought of having oatmeal on Saturday. 

Some days I feel like a total failure.  I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home Mommy.  At work I struggle with that desire and yearning to be home with my kids.  When something goes wrong at work, whether it be a mistake I might make or a cranky, bipolar boss, I immediately think of how great life would be if I could just stay home with my kids.  When at home, I think of work and something I might have forgotten to complete.  It is such a struggle at times.  I know I shouldn't let this consume me, as I have to have a job in order to provide for our little family.  Oh the struggles!

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