Sunday, November 7, 2010

Holidays and Favoritism

Fair warning to those who read, this MIGHT possibly come off as a complaint, though it is not intended to be such.

My two lovable, adorable kids love the holidays.  They love getting together and enjoying family and friends.  When Christmas comes, we typically have such a hectic schedule.  We are running from one place to the next it seems.  But it is Christmas and we do enjoy it  ;)  However, there is one thing that I do despise about the holidays- that is favoritism. 

Maybe it is just how I see it, and I am really NOT trying to be bratty about this subject.  A set of grandparents seems to play favorites when it comes to holidays.  Birthday and Christmas gifts seem to be such a difference between my kids and someone else's kid.  I am not a materialistic person, but I just don't like favoritism.  I will never forget one year for that other child's birthday she wanted this certain designer booster since she was still too small to sit without a car seat/booster.  It was over $200 and was happily purchased for this other child by this said set of grandparents.  My child received an $8 book from WalMart for her birthday. 

I tried to just brush this off and not think much of it.  However, there is a difference when your children start to realize that there is such distinct favoritism when it comes to presents.  The above mentioned example is clearly not the only example, as you can tell ;).  I am not unappreciative or have unappreciative children when it comes to gifts.  My kids are extremely thankful for everything. 

Last year I was a bit disappointed when the other child received a designer doll clothing set from said grandparents and my kids literally got dollar store toys that ended up in the trash the same day the first time they were playing with them.  Obviously, I wasn't the only one disappointed.  You should have seen my daughter's expression.  There was clear disappointment on her face.  Sure every child has disappointing/ envious moments in their life, but I am sure my daughter was thinking, "Wow, how it the world does she always get these awesome gifts and we always receive something dramatically less?"  No, this other child is not from a family living at poverty and said grandparents don't feel that they are helping someone in need.  This is clearly the way it goes every birthday or Christmas.  What if I added this fact: It isn't even their grandchild.  It is their neice.  And the worst part is, it isn't just the mentioned grandparents who do it.  The great-grandparents do it, too. 

I understand purchasing things specifically with a certain person in mind.  I really do.  I understand the joy of seeing someone open a gift and having an awesome reaction.  However, I don't think it is right that everyone seems to always go all out for this person every time.  With my children getting older and starting to notice the truth and reality of the situation, I know there have been hurt feelings felt.  It isn't just gifts purchased.  It is everything.  When said child is over, my child is not included in plans.  For instance, all the girls in the family were going somewhere and the little girl was included (she is only two years older than my daughter and it wasn't some exotic place that they were going).  The ONLY girl not included was my daughter.  She was left behind to stay with the guys.  Again, the only girl I must add. 

Chalk it all up to how I was raised.  I was raised to always include everyone.  It isn't kind to exclude people.  When you are part of a large extended family, there were always calls or mention to include everyone.  When I was at my Grandma's house for the day hanging out, two cousins started to plan a spend the night at one of the cousin's house.  Of course I was included.  That is just how it was.  Yes, people did good things for holidays but it clearly wasn't like this.  Not even close. 

Is it so wrong of me not to want to be around this Christmas when that child is around?  I just don't like to be filled with bitter thoughts about the favoritism going on.  I don't like seeing the favoritism going on.  I would much rather not know what they got her.  I don't like seeing the disappointment on my little girl's face.  I am torn on what to do.  All this time I have hinted about it with said grandma, but nothing has come of it.  If you were in my situation, what would you do?  Would you just tough it out and attend, after all it is the holidays and I just need to accept it?  Would you purposely not attend?  Give me your honest opinion about how you would handle this.

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